Hello, Madame. My name is Chewton....I wash car.

Bahrain is definitely built on a servant society...and it's not exactly hidden behind closed doors.  Yes, we have a maid.  We could have a live-in maid because our house is equipped with separate maids' quarters, but I just can't wrap my head around the fact that someone would be doing EVERYTHING for me.  I know that servants (I don't particularly like that word, but that's what they're called here) are more common in countries outside of America, but I really wasn't prepared for just how commonplace they are here.  Upon moving into our house, a very slight, young Indian woman named Rami showed up at our gate.  She was sent my our landlord to be our maid.  At about $50 a month, she cleans....and I do mean she cleans the hell out of everything!  Our house has lots of stone and marble, so I am definitely thankful for the cleaning help, but I still like to do some of the cleaning myself (totally type-A, I know).  I thought that would be the end of the help, but I walked out into the courtyard one morning still wearing my boxers and a tank and nearly collided with a man watering the garden.  Okay, the term "garden" is used very loosely here...if you have a potted plant, they call it a garden.  Apparently we have two gardeners that come every other morning.  Nice, but being scared to death was not the way I wanted to start my day.  Car washing is another hot job here.  I can't tell you how many people have rung our doorbell asking if we need our car washed or our courtyard washed as well.  The going rate for a car wash is 1BD, or $2.66.  A lot of Americans hire the locals to come and wash their cars and courtyards almost daily....one guy down the road pays 13BD per month to have his car/courtyard washed every other day.  Ridiculous!

So what? Everyone has maids here...but that's not all.  It's funny how when you take a step back you truly do see the class system here.  Indians/Pakistanis generally get stuck with working the household chores and doing building and road construction.  Any one from an Asian country is going to be working in the restaurants or the salons.  There is such a huge population of third-country nationals here that they have started a new campaign called "Hire Bahraini" in order to decrease the unemployment rate of true blood Bahrainis.  It's weird that there are also so many Americans here as well, but if they aren't employed by the naval base, they're most likely stay-at-home moms (no offense to anyone!) because no one else will hire them. 

I like the idea of having someone here to help me cook and clean, but I guess I was raised too well by my mother.  It actually kinda bothers me to see someone else doing all the work that I would normally be doing myself, but hey...I guess I can kick back to enjoy the Middle Eastern experience for now!

My aunt lives in the Bahrain.....

Apparently living in Bahrain is something to boast about...at least to my four year old niece, Syd.  According to my sister-in-law, Mel, Syd has been telling complete strangers that I live in Bahrain. In fact, her preschool teacher told Mel that Syd was making up stories about her Aunt Jess that lived in "the Bahrain."  Well, everyone. It is true..I live in the Bahrain.  When I heard this, it made me wonder: Is it something to boast about living here?  I guess it is!  Before I came out here everyone told me how this was a once in a life time experience.  When else in my life would I get to live in the Middle East?  Well, I'm here and I need to learn to not take it for granted.

I'm always trying to come up with words to describe Bahrain, but I can never fully express myself.  The one word that I keep coming back to is: interesting.  How is it interesting? Well, let me give you a few examples:
- It really is like the movies: women wear burqas and men wear thoubs (or man-dress as I refer to it).
- Everyone speaks English (for the most part) .
- I get lost because there are never street signs here.
- Those lovely houses you see in pictures, I swear they are made out of legos...hopefully we will never have an earthquake.
- I thought I would be going to the local markets for my vegetables...puh-leez. Only if I wanted a salad with a side of dysentery.
- The water in the Gulf is soooo beautiful....until you find out what they dump in the water (really...you don't want to know).
- Stink eye and stink lip....you better perfect it here with the amount of dirty looks that are going to be slung your way!
- I am honestly Casper the Friendly American Ghost.  The lady at the MAC counter said: I have never put make-up on someone so pale.
- I have no clue how many different animals make up the meat in a "Mixed Grill."
- Yes, they do serve camel here. No, I do not want to try.
- I did not honestly believe that that many uni-brows could survive in one place without everything spontaneously combusting.
- Censorship is king here!
- I have a maid...enough said.
- If I see another dish made with dates, I'm going to puke!
- A man can have up to four wives at a time. Now before all the guys get excited at the idea...think of all the nagging and cat fights and money you'd have to spend!
- Everything is the color of sand: the houses, the roads, the cars......
- The list could go on and on.....Todo, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!

Welcome to Bumper Car Bahrain

Driving.  It's something that I definitely took for granted back in the states.  When I moved to WarTown, I said: These are the worst drivers in the entire world.  Well, I stand corrected.  The worst drivers in the world live in Bahrain.  From the moment I first got into a car here in Bahrain, I knew that I would not like driving here at all.  It is an art form....and one that I will never truly understand.  To put it lightly, everyone here thinks that they are a Nascar driver and that obviously their cars are made of an indestructible material.  It seems that everyone has either two speeds: pedal to the metal, haulin' ass or slower than a dying snail.  I believe this type of driving stems from the fact that if you would like to have a Bahraini driver's license (which I have opted to not get) you must attend a driving school and complete over 100 hours of driving supervised by an instructor.  Because everyone has completed this course, they all consider themselves "professional drivers."  That being said, this school must be taught by a one-eyed maniac (no offense) because driving, for the ex-pats at least, is a lesson in survival skills.  In order to successfully make it to your destination (i.e. not being killed in a fiery crash) you must be able to do several things: watch out for drivers coasting into your lane at top speeds (80+mph), watch for women wearing burqas (sorry...they do inhibit the driver's line of vision!),  avoid trucks with lots of furniture and appliances precariously perched in the back, and once you have arrived at your destination you need to park as far away from everyone else as possible.  Unfortunately, we all know the law of parking physics: if you park in an open parking lot, someone will come and park right beside you. And if you're in Bahrain...they will take up three spots and open their door repeatedly on your driver's side.  You would also think that with the type of cars some people drive here (I'm talking Maybachs, Lamborghinis, Bentleys...etc) they would take amazing care of their care...WRONG! It seems the more expensive the car, the more blatantly they flirt with driving danger.  I don't have enough fingers and toes to count on how many times I have narrowly missed being rear-ended by a Rover or being hit crossing the road by some dummy talking on his mobile while driving his Maserati like it was 1995 Mitsubishi Galant! If you were to film everyone driving on the highway from above, you would believe that everyone was heavily intoxicated by the amount of swerving and weaving that goes on!

I'll be honest.  It took me over a month to work up the courage to drive and only then because I bought my own car.  At first I was timid on the road....just barely edging out into traffic and cautiously waiting in the turn lane.  Now, I drive like a Bahraini (well...I think better, but that's my opinion).  Can my car fit into that tiny spot between two cars....why not?  Am I going to cut you off? Of course!  Do I need to floor it the 200 feet to the next stop light? Life is short! I am King of the Road here! At least until I get pulled over....